4 Months After
Picture taken & poem written in Sonoma County (on Monan's Rill) on June 12th, 2017
Tree with a thousand faces
Body of a woman
Broken and worn
Curved to perfection
Hollow and whole
Your green belongs to another
But you wear it so majestically
Your skin is smooth and so much more
I see your ravaged insides
I remember mine
Legs wide open
Turning myself inside out
Are you rotting there my lady?
Are you alive?
Now only my heart aches
At the distance between myself
The lost ideal of a beautiful birth:
Sliding my baby out of my slippery passage
Into peaceful waters
And warm awaiting arms
By the life struggling inside me
Coming to my aide
Where are my angels?
Where are my guides?
How does spirit deliver soul into body?
Cut open and pulled
Out of a woman-made hole
We surfaced under the fluorescent lights
Stunned by silence
For the first 9 minutes of your life
I was numb for longer than that
Oh you long hollow bumpy stump of a tree
Bring me back to the mystery
Beneath your midsection something is hidden
I want you to hold me
Want to nuzzle up to your belly
And lose myself in your softness
Rest my head on your bosom
And hear your heartbeat
Ride on your hip and laugh wildly
(Just the way my baby uses my body)
And you can walk along with your curvy legs,
Sexy and lean
Like nothing ever happened
Like nothing ever died inside you
Like you are always the same as you were before
But I know you are more beautiful than ever
Exhausted and aching
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Yonat Piva, MA, LMFT
I write about navigating the challenges of prenatal, postpartum, parenting & relationships. I believe we can inhabit our bodies with a renewed sense of fulfillment in being a human woman.